My Goals (as seen on my fridge)

Years ago, I decided to put pen to paper and record all of the quirky, earnest and somewhat absurd things I had decided since late childhood that I wanted to do at some point in my life. These are my goals.


he probability of these things actually happening varies widely— indeed some goals are extremely attainable, or have been done already and likewise, some don’t have a hope in hell of happening. Nonetheless, after I created this list, I eventually printed off a copy and posted it to my fridge where it’s become a surprisingly wonderful conversation starter during large-scale gatherings at my home when invariably, some of the group finds themselves loitering in the kitchen.

Anyways, I love this list. I find sometimes while grabbing something from the fridge I’ll catch a glance of a particular goal and I’ll remember back to its inspiration. I’ve had friends say they’d like to create a similar list of their own so I thought it appropriate, on a website rather vainly dedicated to my musings, to post the list. Maybe it’ll inspire a list of your own.

Be dictator of a tiny island-nation
Join or found a country club or social club
Own a vintage wooden boat
Own multiple passports
Own a car in North America with European plates
Own a Flagpole
Own an interest in a sports franchise
Pretend to be a doctor
Own an interest in a racehorse
Be known as ’David Keen, Esq.’
Start a charitable foundation
Visit Algiers
Live in New York or San Francisco
Retire to Spain or France
Testify in front of U.S. congress
Own personalized stationery
Coin a popular phrase
Host a black-tie function
Represent someone in court
Have a wing of a building dedicated to me
Earn Peerage (Earlship or Viscountcy, maybe?)
Own a safe
Design and build a house
Design a typeface
Own a home with outbuildings(non-garage)
Play the Old Course at St. Andrews
Own season tickets to a favourite sports team
Publish a coffee table book about warning signs
Manage a football club or baseball team
Own ID under an alias
Own a safehouse
Go big-game hunting
Meet and disparage a player from a disliked team
Bring down the catholic school system
Run with the bulls
Torch and abandon a car or truck
Have a team of professionals at my disposal:

  • A lawyer
  • An accountant
  • A private investigator
Own a South American footballer’s playing rights
Go marlin fishing in the Florida Keys
Go on a stakeout
Be on a board of directors
Live in a hotel for at least one month
Own a Diner’s Club credit card
Wait for a flight in an airport lounge
Wait outside prison gates for a friend’s release
Have a bench plaque in Charles Schurz Park
See a movie alone
Die by hunting bears using only a knife